Down In The Dumps

I've been feeling a bit off lately. I feel so tired when I get home from work that all I want to do is hole myself up and do absolutely nothing and talk to absolutely no one. (Well, I'm okay with talking to Princeton.) I want to switch my brain off and just enjoy watching anime or reading a manga, and that's exactly what I've been doing these past couple of weeks or so to fight off the feeling of "down-ness" that's been overcoming me.

I don't like weddings. I don't remember the last time I attended one. I think it's been more than two years now, maybe longer. The having to wear uncomfortable clothes and being in a crowd drains me. Come to think of it, I haven't attended social events or parties that require formal attire or otherwise for a long time now.

I wish I had expressed my true feelings about going out with Princeton's friends after our wedding dinner instead of just going along yet resenting his friends for their insensitivity and feeling bad that Princeton didn't tell them that he would rather spend time alone with me at the end of our wedding day. I should have told them that all I really wanted to do after that emotion-packed day was to sit quietly with Princeton and fondly talk about the day's events, to process our feelings and imprint that once-in-a-lifetime event into our consciousness as a happy memory. But I didn't. And I know that it was me who made that decision not to say anything. So I'm responsible for my own feelings. I know I can also choose to focus on better-feeling thoughts instead of dwelling on this negative-feeling one, but right now I think I'll allow myself to wallow for a bit.

I will be fine though, that I'm certain of. In the meantime, I'll just allow myself to be.